June 20, 2007

Clinton Derangement leads to some bizarre ideas

Last fall, conservative blogger and law professor Ann Althouse gained quite a bit of notoriety for criticizing my friend Jessica Valenti for, well, it wasn’t altogether clear what Althouse was saying.

At a meeting in New York with Bill Clinton, which I attended, there was a group photo with bloggers and the former president. Althouse disparaged Valenti for, as Althouse saw it, “bending over backwards — figuratively and literally — to keep the attention on your breasts. Jessica should have worn a beret. Blue dress would have been good too.” It was not only a ridiculous, baseless attack, it was also one of the more offensive examples of conservative blogging I’ve seen.

In March, Althouse gained more notoriety during a Bloggingheads episode with Garance Franke-Ruta, during which Althouse lost her cool.

But Althouse really outdid herself yesterday with some unusual analysis of the Clinton campaign’s Sopranos parody.

Bill says “No onion rings?” and Hillary responds “I’m looking out for ya.” Now, the script says onion rings, because that’s what the Sopranos were eating in that final scene, but I doubt if any blogger will disagree with my assertion that, coming from Bill Clinton, the “O” of an onion ring is a vagina symbol. Hillary says no to that, driving the symbolism home. She’s “looking out” all right, vigilant over her husband, denying him the sustenance he craves. What does she have for him? Carrot sticks! The one closest to the camera has a rather disgusting greasy sheen to it. Here, Bill, in retaliation for all of your excessive “O” consumption, you may have a large bowl of phallic symbols!

When we hear him say “No onion rings?,” the camera is on her, and Bill is off-screen, but at the bottom of the screen we see the carrot/phallus he’s holding toward her. Oh, yes, I know that Hillary supplying carrots is supposed to remind that Hillary will provide us with health care, that she’s “looking out for” us, but come on, they’re carrots! Everyone knows carrots are phallic symbols. But they’re cut up into little carrot sticks, you say? Just listen to yourself! I’m not going to point out everything.

If I can borrow a line from Jon Stewart, I’d just like to say, “Whaaaaa?”

I realize that the right hates the Clintons. I don’t understand it, and I’m kind of frightened by how far they take it, but the Clintons enrage conservatives. Fine.

But this analysis is perhaps the strangest thing I’ve ever read. “I doubt if any blogger will disagree with my assertion that, coming from Bill Clinton, the ‘O’ of an onion ring is a vagina symbol.” I, however, doubt that any blogger will disagree that Althouse’s conclusion is sheer lunacy.

Bill asked for onion rings because they’re from The Sopranos episode — the video was a spoof, after all — and because of his well-known love of junk food. Hillary gives him carrots because he’s had health trouble and needs to eat healthy. It really isn’t that complicated. Freud would get it.

But Althouse doesn’t. If there’s ever been a more obvious example of Clinton Derangement Syndrome, I can’t think of it.

 
Discussion

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41 Comments
1.
On June 20th, 2007 at 9:59 am, Former Dan said:

Sometimes an onion ring is just an onion ring.

Personally, I don’t really equate the way food looks like sex organs outside of an intimate situation with a female or a prank.

I guess Ann Althouse would go absolutely bonkers if she travelled to SoCal and saw the an In’N Out Burger Joint

Seriously, how can she eat? Anything remotely looking like a tube, rod or ball shaped would send her over the edge. Nothing shows insanity like turning salad into an oral sex metaphor.

Thanks for my morning laugh.

2.
On June 20th, 2007 at 10:00 am, kevo said:

Althouse needs some serious couch time if the above is what she proffers as common fare. To commit such fantasies to writing suggests more about her frame of (in)sanity. Though I have limited exposure to such hooch-ladened lascivious stewn imagery, I suppose it works for Ms. Althouse and her moral indignation. -Kevo

3.
On June 20th, 2007 at 10:01 am, Racerx said:

The Clintons enrage conservatives because they triangulated their issues and beat them. Twice.

At one level, stupid people always hate smarter folks who espouse positions that they disagree with. And since Republicans hate Democrats more than they love or believe in anything else, since DemHate is actually their core value, they really hate successful Dems, especially smart ones like Bill Clinton, who often beat them up in debates with a smirk/smile on his face.

But it’s good to think about this… the Republican hatred for Roosevelt and Kennedy* was even more pronounced, so at least we’re seeing some progress.

* Kennedy’s face was on a “Wanted for Treason” poster in Dallas the day he was assasinated.

http://www.john-f-kennedy.net/wantedfortreason.htm

4.
On June 20th, 2007 at 10:02 am, R.T.Thaddeus said:

Conservatives as a genre seem to have bizarre sexual hangups. Obsession with homosexuality is one of the more lurid and among some, pathological examples. Michael Savage for instance sounds like he was badly abused as a child, probably sexually abused. It would be sad if it weren’t so evil and that many folks actually listen to believe these sick people.

5.
On June 20th, 2007 at 10:07 am, petorado said:

Face it, Althouse wants to sleep with Bill Clinton. There’s no other way that any one would read anything sexual into that video without a strong desire working its way out of the subconscious.

After almost seven years of W, you’d think the right would feel triumphal enough to let go of Bill. The Clintons obviously did an awful lot right to keep the wingers this apoplectic for this long.

6.
On June 20th, 2007 at 10:07 am, JoeW said:

I wonder how many hours Althouse spent listening to the Mr Ed theme played backwards.

But more seriously (maybe less) let’s reflect the same level of pop psychology back at Ann. Her obsession with finding icons of sexuality in the mundane shows that she’s unsatisfied with the sex in her life. I’ve run out of polite ways of describing her underlying problem, so I’ll stop here.

7.
On June 20th, 2007 at 10:09 am, jimBOB said:

Althouse has always reminded me of my late mother, who was nuts. (Sorry, Mom, it’s true.) The over-the-top baseless attacks, the long-winded rants about (imaginary) victimization, the ridiculous division of the world into virtuous friends and malevolent enemies, all familiar. The fact that Clinton is the focus of these feelings is a mere detail.

This sort of emotional pathology tends to create self-reinforcing structures. If anyone were to suggest to Althouse that she has some emotional problems, that person would immediately be labeled a mortal enemy of all that is good, thus justifying Althouse in ignoring any advice from such a person. Anyone else agreeing with the first person would become part of an imaginary vast evil conspiracy. The fury that would drive all this can be seen from Althouse’s explosion in the Bloggingheads interview directed against Garance Franke-Ruta’s mild remark.

8.
On June 20th, 2007 at 10:10 am, 2Manchu said:

Hillary also played Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin'”
Which is the first track off their 1981 album “Escape”.

SEE??? HIllary is telling Bill she wants to “escape” from him!

It’s so obvious!!

9.
On June 20th, 2007 at 10:11 am, lyn5 said:

How can a carrot stick be a phallic symbol? It’s cut up. And an onion ring is just an onion ring. I never watched The Sopranos, so the parody was above my head! I thought the video was cute. I loved Bill and Hillary’s reaction to the guy who gave them a dirty look when he walked by them!

10.
On June 20th, 2007 at 10:15 am, Peter vE said:

“the “O” of an onion ring is a vagina symbol.”

That’s just ridiculous. Everyone knows that onion rings are an anal symbol. The whole sequence is an expose’ of Bill Clinton’s homosexuality.

11.
On June 20th, 2007 at 10:20 am, sarabeth said:

Instaputz has a priceless picture of Ann Althouse making a vagina mouth. By her own standards, she’s also flaunting her tits. Do email her to ask why she posed for that pornographic picture.

(I wrote about this today on my blog in case anyone can be persuaded to check it out: Ann Althouse’s Penetrating Onion Ring Analysis)

12.
On June 20th, 2007 at 10:21 am, David W. said:

Whether Althouse is intentionally playing dumb or not is beside the point. She’s not worth taking seriously, period.

13.
On June 20th, 2007 at 10:23 am, J Flowers said:

Oh wow. Althouse’s analysis would be a great comedy skit.

14.
On June 20th, 2007 at 10:29 am, Dale said:

Ann Althouse is anal.

15.
On June 20th, 2007 at 10:29 am, JKap said:

“the “O” of an onion ring is a vagina symbol.”

Maybe her vagina smells like an onion, thus the metaphor.

16.
On June 20th, 2007 at 10:38 am, nal said:

And that allows us to explore a contemporary theme…

which is very close to Miss Althouse’s heart…

today’s woman as she gets dried-up, old and sexually undesirable.

/Bonus points for identifing the movie w/o google.

17.
On June 20th, 2007 at 11:09 am, nancy said:

Oh.

My.

God.

18.
On June 20th, 2007 at 11:20 am, Orange is not the answer said:

Hillary also played Journey

and that isn’t enough to show she’s eeevil?

19.
On June 20th, 2007 at 11:24 am, whoa said:

Althouse is one stupid B*tcH!!!!

Nuff said!

20.
On June 20th, 2007 at 11:25 am, Basilisc said:

Bandwidth these days is virtually free. Even so, Ann Althouse is a waste of valuable bandwidth.

21.
On June 20th, 2007 at 11:54 am, tenpointtype said:

From our “You Learn Something New Every Day” Department:

“Everyone knows carrots are phallic symbols.” – Ann Althouse

Really? Orange and pointy?

And crusty, oily, crumb-covered onion slices are vaginas?

Wow.

22.
On June 20th, 2007 at 12:02 pm, CalD said:

Sounds to me like somebody’s got just a teeny bit of a crush. I’ll bet Ann’s fingers tend to stray just a little toward the onion rings every time she thinks of Bill Clinton’s carrot stick.

23.
On June 20th, 2007 at 12:04 pm, The answer is orange said:

Is that all you got Annie?

24.
On June 20th, 2007 at 12:10 pm, Dale said:

Bill Clinton likes crispy vaginas? Althouse dreams of orange penises? Who knew.

25.
On June 20th, 2007 at 12:11 pm, Tom Cleaver said:

Althouse – along with Glenn Reynolds, John Yoo, and Alan Dershowitz – proves the truth of the old statement, “those who can, do; those who can’t, teach.”

26.
On June 20th, 2007 at 12:14 pm, Tom Cleaver said:

Althouse – along with Glenn Reynolds, John Yoo, and Alan Dershowitz – proves the truth of the old statement, “those who can, do; those who can’t, teach.” And those who can do neither, like this crowd, become conservative mediastars, throwing red meat to howling morons.

27.
On June 20th, 2007 at 12:32 pm, Teri McCarthy said:

Weird very weird, but Ann doesn’t realize: Liberals can say the actual word Vagina without having to use euphemisms. She must be an idiot!

28.
On June 20th, 2007 at 12:43 pm, Madison Guy said:

There seems to be a lot of derangement going on among University of Wisconsin profs these days. In addition to the Nonstop Nonsequitur Machine with the Bizarre Freudian Fixations, we also have the dean of American climatologists going a bit off the rails in his dotage.

Reid Bryson is 87 and helped lay the groundwork for the scientific study of global warming. Years ago, I had him as a professor, and he was known as a brilliant scientist and a wonderful teacher. He was a poet of climate, a lyricist of weather, a mesmerizing lecturer about climate’s impact on humans and vice versa. Now he bad-mouths Al Gore and his skeptical statements are widely quoted by global warming opponents. What happened? The University of Wisconsin emeritus prof outlived his expertise and found himself stranded on the far side of a paradigm shift.

Because of his considerable accomplishments in the past, we should probably cut Bryson a bit of slack; after all, he is 87. But Ann Althouse is not.

29.
On June 20th, 2007 at 1:03 pm, TR said:

She sees “onion ring” and thinks “vagina”? Man, I would really really hate to be her gynecologist.

30.
On June 20th, 2007 at 1:48 pm, bjobotts said:

My God, Althouse is a lunatic!!~! When did carrots become a phallic symbol. Cucumbers yes, carrots no. Who has she been hanging out with. How did she get sexual orientation from that spoof.
She is really sick and totally non-sensed. Are there really bloggers out there who think like that.
Must be a big embarrassment to take them into a restaurant. She needs to get her head out of Ann Coulters vagina. Pathetic. How could anyone look at an onion ring and think “vagina”? Just pathetic

31.
On June 20th, 2007 at 1:54 pm, Martin said:

Good thing he didn’t ask for tacos;>

32.
On June 20th, 2007 at 2:34 pm, phoebes said:

See, this is exactly WHY I don’t want Hillary to win the nomination. I – absolutely – cannot take another four or eight years of “Clinton Bashing”. I’m serious.

Though, I did like the campaign ad with the carrots. By the way, Bill Clinton IS sex-on-a-stick. I’d do him.

33.
On June 20th, 2007 at 2:49 pm, Barry said:

Comment by petorado: “Face it, Althouse wants to sleep with Bill Clinton. There’s no other way that any one would read anything sexual into that video without a strong desire working its way out of the subconscious.

After almost seven years of W, you’d think the right would feel triumphal enough to let go of Bill. The Clintons obviously did an awful lot right to keep the wingers this apoplectic for this long. ”

After seven years of W doing his d*mnedest to make Clinton look really, really good, the Right is more jealous of Bill than ever.

34.
On June 20th, 2007 at 4:32 pm, Jim Strain said:

Onion rings! Mmmmmmm. Please pass the catsup.

35.
On June 20th, 2007 at 4:33 pm, Aranfell said:

As mathematician Piet Hein wrote ironically:
“Since everything’s either concave or convex,
Everything everywhere is something with sex.”

PS: We’re in for years of irrational bashing no matter which Democrat wins the White House. It’s what they do. It’s all they’re good at.

36.
On June 20th, 2007 at 4:33 pm, libra said:

[…] coming from Bill Clinton, the “O” of an onion ring is a vagina symbol. — coming from Ann Althouse

Reminds me of that old joke, where a psychiatrist was evaluating kids by showing them a white hankie and asking them what it made them think of.
The 1st kid answers: “fog”. “Why?” asks the doc. “Because fog is white and you can’t see thru it and the hankie is the same” says the kid.
The 2nd kid answers: “summer camp”. Why? “Because when I leave for the summer camp, my Mom stands on the platform and waves a white hankie at me as long as I can see”.
The 3rd kid says: “sex”. Why? “Because *everything* makes me think of sex”

Althouse is that 3rd kid. Paging Dr Freud…

37.
On June 20th, 2007 at 7:24 pm, Philadelphia Steve said:

The real key is “hate”. Without it Conservatives would lose their very reason for existance.

Roosevelt and Kennedy are a bit far in the past, so Conservatives have updated it to the Clintons.

If Bill and Hillary keep up a healthy lifestyle, Conservatives might be able to stretch this round of hate to 2050 or so.

38.
On June 20th, 2007 at 8:07 pm, Mike said:

Don’t forget, Althouse also gained quite a bit of noteriety for her drunken American Idol vlogging.

39.
On June 21st, 2007 at 4:49 pm, Karl said:

Hate to say, but there’s something to Althouse’s interpretation: Dreams are interpreted in an external context; the context of any marital interaction between the Clintons is extra-marital.

40.
On June 21st, 2007 at 8:03 pm, Terry Lockhart said:

Ann Althouse like this to protect Bush and all neocons from too much scrutiny or else people will see them for what they really are. And that would be completely stupid and crazy. For these people the truth does not matter. All they care about is getting their way and to hell everybody else in this country. As far as sex goes they have go off the deep end and need to be put away for their good and our sanity.